Dave went to the school this evening to have that conference with Libbi's teacher and the school counselor that has stepped in to help Libbi. The news was not so good at all, and I feel in a way that her teacher has withheld certain behaviors. I doubt intentionally, but to hear Dave tell it, Libbi is not doing well at all, yet her conduct marks have been better lately.
Beware, the Mommy mode has stepped in big time!
So, they all talked for a good 45 minutes, and probably could have talked more, but the school was going to be locked lol.
Apparently Libbi does not stay in her seat and has to be up and touching things. Things of hers, things in the classroom and now news to us, the teachers desk/things. If this is such a big problem, why was she coming home with simple warnings that said she was out of seat, etc? Libbi didn't have this problem in the fall with the long term substitute teacher...it has only come about since the regular teacher returned (she took Aug-Dec off to have a baby). Libbi does AWFUL with big changes like this, as I have discussed on here.
Today, the counselor was outside the room and watched Libbi sharpen a pencil almost down to the eraser, then saw her dump the pencil shavings on the floor. My first thought is why the heck did they(the teacher was outside the room talking to the counselor too, but watching the class as well) just watch her instead of correct her or try to stop her? It takes a good deal of time to do that to a pencil. They basically permitted my child to make a bad choice so they could see what she would do. The counselor asked her about why she did it and she said that she did not know where the garbage can was. Ok, you know as well as I that the garbage can was where it had always been. They discussed things going into the proper places, etc.
To make a long story sort of short, the counselor feels that Libbi has to just touch everything, that she has a sensory issue where she feels she must do this in the classroom. She knows right from wrong, but has to just have her hands on things in the classroom, regardless if there is permission or not. She must be constantly "busy" due to all the stimulation and classwork of the environment.
At home it is a lot the opposite. She will sit still with us for long periods and doesn't do odd things like dump trash on the floor. Apparently this is normal because the home is a lot less structured than a school day is.
The counselor suggested that we take her to her doctor to be tested for ADD. And to discuss these issues with her ped. and get some ideas on how to help Libbi.
Now, I learned tonight that Dave and I differ GREATLY on possible courses of actions. He said he refuses to have her medicated if that is suggested because in his opinion ADD meds you are on for life. Um, no, NOT TRUE, but he refuses to see my side of this argument there. There are many types of drugs used, and while some are long-term and high dose, others are not. Some have bad side effects and some don't. I would be fine with medication, as long as I have been properly informed on everything about it and can make the best decision I am able to with the information I have.
Dave believes that we can give her the help needed. I completely disagree as it is hard for him to speak to the girls in anything other than a drill sergeant manner most of the time. Don't get me wrong, he adores the girls and loves them, but even his normal talking can sound harsh. It's just the way he is with the military training and all.
I do not see him as willing to help make behavior changes in his actions (our actions). I have suggested many things to do to try...and he says they are a great idea but them will not follow through. NO PLAN will work unless he and I are both united on it for her.
It is so tough being both working parents. Some nights I am with the girls, some he is, some we both are....and our parenting styles differ greatly. We know Libbi does not handle change well as it relates to school/discipline, yet his way is to just yell at her.
The reason I am frustrated is because he is ADD himself and the nature of the disorder makes it so he cannot follow through on doing the things that will help her. He may be able to start trying them, but then he reverts back to the old way....that is part of the problem.
It is hard for me to see Libbi as acting so vastly different at school from home, but according to what Dave said about the conference, it is indeed happening. They did suggest we try switching parts of her diet, implying that maybe the sugar in things even as basic as her drinks or the cereal she loves, is not helping things. They said the doctor can help with this too.
I've been in some tears tonight because I feel I should have been told more of these behaviors and that the teacher/counselor are allowing some less than good behaviors to go on just so they can watch her. 2 years straight now my daughter has been subjected to teacher changes that have thrown her so off kilter that she has turned to doing these things to distract herself from it all. I am angry at myself for thinking it was ok to send her on to kindergarten just because I thought she was bright and well behaved. I learned way too late she was not ready. For many reasons I have been over in here before. I am again blaming myself. I certainly did not push the girl to kindergarten, but had I known what I do now she would have had that year in the older preschool class at daycare that helped teach the basics that she instead had to learn in kindergarten while the other kids are forging past.
I feel like a failure as a mother and I cannot agree with my husband on possible help for her. The more I type the worse I feel.
I asked Dave what they do in the sessions she has with her counselor...and that NEVER came up. So....I know why she needs to go talk to the woman, but what do they do or talk about? I mean, hey, if there is anything I can do here to help align school and home then I oughtta know instead of being told stuff I had no idea was going on well after it happened.
Dave said at one point that I should have been at the conference....um, hello, I had to be at my school for conferences myself and that is not something I could get out of. I am just angry because he and I do not see eye to eye on how to handle this.
I WANT a doctor to tell me she is ADD, I WANT to know what to do to help her, I WANT to have her start first grade next year and know without a doubt she will have the same teacher for the entire year. I see my child excited about learning, but I see her frustration too. I see her do or work on something perfectly with us and get it, then I get a note that she has not mastered it and cannot do it at school. I do not understand...perhaps it is over stimulation and she is a more one on one type learner.
I never dreamed I would have the child that gave the teacher the most grief. Sure, she could be mean and spiteful and hurt others...and thankfully that is NOT what she does. She is a different person at school than here at home. Part of me wants to unenroll her from her school and transfer her to my school where I teach just so I can be more active in things going on. But that could prove to be a huge backwards decision as well. I hate this..I hate that my sweet girl cannot follow directions at school, that she must sit isolated from others because she messes with their things, etc. I just hate every part of it. BUT, I love my daughter and help her the best I can...with or without my husband's support.
This is way more than enough for one evening. I am in a fowl mood and typing is making it far worse. Usually it makes things better.
I can relish in the fact that next week is spring break and I get to be home with my girls!
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